Ender

I had the worst dream last Thursday. I dreamed that our little Ender had passed away. At first, I couldn't figure out what was going on. Ender wasn't in our house anymore, and Geoff and I were heart broken. Why he passed away, I didn't know. All I knew was that he was gone. My dream suddenly started focusing on Ender sitting in front of me, with that cute little look he always gives us...head tilted to the side, tongue hanging out a bit. Just as cute as can be. I realized he wasn't with us anymore. He was in heaven.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm Friday morning, and remembered the awful dream I had, and immediately looked for Ender. I found him, sleeping soundly, on his little heater blanket on the floor. I touched his soft hair, picked him up and hugged him, taking in the smell of his newly cleaned hair. I kissed him on the head, and told him that I loved him. All was right with the world. I had my husband, Ender and Valentine. Everyone was still alive.....it was just a dream.

Both mine and Geoff's day went on as usual. We both worked, and he was on his way home from St. George when I was getting groceries to make something for dinner. I have been emotionally exhausted lately from various events in our life lately, and decided to pick up something up instead of cooking myself. I came home to find Geoff sitting with Ender and Val around him, playing a video game. I brought the food into the living room and started eating dinner. Ender and Val always surround us went we eat, because they know that we are pushovers and will give them food off our plates. However, this time, I had a pork rib in my hand, and knew that they shouldn't have that. Val tried to take it from me, and I moved my hand enough to keep it from her, looked at her and said "No, Val!". While looking at Valentine, Ender grabbed the pork rib out of my hand. I yelled at Geoff to help me get if from him, just to take it away. But to our horror, Ender had somehow swallowed it.

The next series of events are images and memories that I wish that I could get out of my head. Ender went rigid.....it was stuck......he couldn't breathe. Both mine and Geoff's fingers were too big to get in Ender's mouth and down his throat to get out the rib. He wasn't breathing. We were screaming. We didn't know what to do. The only thing that Geoff knew to do (because I was hysterical) was to try and get the bone out and/or clear the airway. He pushed the bone down further to allow Ender to breathe. Katie from upstairs called and found the On-call Vet, and we made it to his office within 5 minutes of this whole thing happening.

The Vet had to intubate Ender, making sure he could breathe. I was still hysterical, and couldn't focus on things, so Geoff and the doctor discussed the best options for Ender. I had to draw a picture of the bone to show both the Vet and Geoff how big it was. They both looked at me like I was crazy....I was over exagerating on the size. After discussing Ender's options, the Vet decided to go in and get the bone.

Geoff helped assist the Vet in the surgery. He watched the whole thing. I couldn't. I couldn't watch my little boy be cut up. I couldn't do it. Once the Vet pulled the bone out, both he and Geoff were just shocked. How in the world could such a small dog swallow something that big? HOW? It doesn't make sense. After removing the bone, things seemed to be fine. But, while the Vet was sewing Ender back together his breathing became more and more shallow.....until he wasn't breathing on his own. His heart was still going, but he wouldn't breathe.

The Vet over the next 2 1/2 hrs did everything he could to help Ender. He told us he'd go as long as we wanted him to. Both Geoff and I were sitting side by side, talking to Ender, trying to get him to come back to us. But he wouldn't respond to the Vets repeated attempts to get his system to start working again. We had to make the hardest decision that we've EVER had to make. We had to let him go. If he couldn't breathe on his own after so many hours of having to be assisted, he wasn't going to. The Vet pulled out the tubes, and slowly Ender's heart stopped.

Ender was gone.

We didn't have a place to bury him, and knew that if we left him with the Vet, they would most likely dispose of Ender's body in a manner that is just horrible to think of. Geoff said he wanted to take him to his parents place in SLC. So Geoff wrapped Ender's fragile little body up in his sweater and he took him home for the last time. We both knew we wouldn't be able to sleep, and knew we didn't want to stay home, so we packed our things and drove to SLC.

The next morning, we buried little Ender in Geoff's parents back yard, next to another family dog. We had a full service for him. Geoff's family was grieving along with us. My siblings came over, as well as Brenna to help support Geoff and I.

A lot of people probably don't understand, and won't understand, the loss and pain that Geoff and I feel right now. After 9 years of trying to have a baby, and two failed pregnancies in the past 6 months, Ender and Valentine are all we had, as far as a family of our own. They ARE our children in every sense of the word. Geoff gave Ender to me as a gift before he went to law school, to keep me company. A year later we got Valentine to be a companion for Ender. Our friends and family, who like pets, absolutely loved Ender. He was the cutest thing that you ever saw. He was a rolley-polley little guy, that just wanted your love and attention.

How does one pick up the pieces of a life that seems to be in a shambles lately? How do you move on from a death of someone that meant so much to you? I can't imagine the grief we would feel if we had lost a child of our own, because this is hard enough to have to go through. Our heart aches knowing that he's no longer with us, and it seems that the pain will never truly go away. We're not the only ones suffering though. Val is, because she lost Ender too. She won't play as much, she hides from us every time we start crying. She lays on the floor looking that the front door, waiting for Ender to run through it. It breaks my heart looking at her.

Geoff and I continue to question every move that we made that night, blaming ourselves for things that were ultimately out of our control. I know that the visions of that night will haunt us for a long time, and I pray that the pain will go away. However, with as much as this hurts, we both realize that we would rather go through this pain, than to have never had Ender in our lives. He was such a blessing and brought such happiness and joy to our lives. I know without a doubt that Geoff and I will see Ender again. I can't imagine that the Lord would deny us of being able to never be with someone again, even a pet, that brought you so much joy while on this earth. Ender was alive, he had a body and soul, and one of the most adorable personalities that you could ever come across. I know he's in heaven now. He can breathe better, and can run around. The constraints that this world bound him with are no more.

I want to thank Geoffrey's family for letting us come to their house to bury our little boy, for Brian for preparing Ender's grave, for Randy giving Geoff and I blessings of comfort, and for Patti sitting with us, crying, and for offering her love and support. They helped us through a time that was so difficult for us, and we know we couldn't have done it with out them. I want to thank my parents for listening to my hysterical phone call that night, and for calling me each day since then to check on me. Thank you to my siblings, as well as Brenna, for coming and seeing Geoffrey and I. It meant the world to have your support. Thank you to the many friends who have called or text to let us know that they are here for us. Thank you Katie.....for doing what we couldn't have done. Our house was torn apart, while looking for something to try and get the bone out of Ender's throat. Katie came in, and cleaned up everything, so we didn't have to face that. You made it much easier for us, and helped out more than you'll ever know.

We miss you so much Ender. We love you, and look forward to the day that we will be with you again.

Halloween

Okay...so I am quite aware that we don't have children of our own. But anyone who knows Geoff and I, know how much we love our dogs. They are our children. So it was only fitting to dress them up for Halloween.....right? I'm probably a mean momma by dressing them up....but there's really nothing they can do about it.

My little Ender hotdog

Pretty butterfly Valentine

BYU weekend

Two weekends ago, Geoff and I were able to go to the BYU homecoming game against TCU, thanks to our friends Rick and Megan. I told my siblings that we were going, and so they all got tickets too. We didn't get to sit together, but met up after the game. This was the first time that I had been to a BYU game. I know......you don't have to say anything.

Rick and Megan.....thanks again for the tickets guys!

Us!

We met up with my family after the game, got some pizza and ate it in the parking lot. It was COLD, but fun.

Brooke and Chase

My sista's - Kylee, Kenzee and Brooke

Sunday afternoon, Geoff and I, along with his parents, went up to visit a some friends. They live north of Ogden and have an Alpaca farm. I had never been there, and couldn't wait to see the cute babies.

Look at that face! They have the softest hide "fiber"!!! I have never felt anything like it before. The babies were really jumpy around us, and so were the adults for the most part except for the guy below:

Meet Doc. He's not afraid of humans AT ALL. He runs up to you and gets in your face immediately. He loves attention and if you don't give it to him, he'll bite you. Yes bite you. He bit me on the back of the head and took a good chunk of hair with him. But if you pay attention to him....well this is what you get:

He liked Geoff and I a lot and followed us around. So much fun.

This is Eli. This picture cracked me up. He ate at that piece of straw the entire time we were there. He wasn't as friendly as Doc, but still just as cute.

It was a fun weekend.

No excuses!!

I really have no excuses that I can come up with, as to why I haven't posted in a while....other than I have been crazy busy. So here is an attempt at covering our summer.... WARNING...THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG POST!

MEMORIAL DAY

We went over to Kanab to visit our friends the Adams'. We spent the day going to a parade and fishing up at Duck Creek. It was a fun day...even if Geoff didn't catch anything.

DUTCH OVEN OUTTING

We went up to Woods Ranch one night with a few friends and had some good Dutch Oven cookin', thanks to Katie.

Katie and Kelton getting the food ready

Geoff helping the kids fish

The fish they caught

Kelton checking it out

Chad on "fish holding" duty

DEMOLITION DERBY

We went to a demolition derby in Parowan with the Funderburk's & the Marshall's. It was a pretty fun event to attend. I hadn't been to one in years. We then went out for ice cream afterwards.....which took FOREVER to get. That's a small town for you though :).

Andy and Nicole

A two car roll-over. Pretty awesome.

LABOR DAY WEEKEND

We decided on a whim to go up to my parents place for Labor Day weekend. Geoff really needed to get away to unwind....work has been stressful for him. It was a fun fun weekend. The whole family was there and we had such a good time. We went to a parade, went fishing, out on the lake, and to a rodeo. Busy busy weekend....but FUN!

Mom and Declan getting ready for the parade

Brooke so excited, because they are handing out Frisbee's

Chase, Declan, and Brooke checking out the parade. Do you see Brooke's little baby bump? Yep...Chase and Brooke are having a baby....a little boy to be exact. Pretty exciting!

My uncle Glen in his flying contraption. He flew over the parade and dropped candy attached to little parachutes.

This picture is of Declan freaking out. Why? After my uncle dropped candy from the sky, one was floating towards us. A few bully kids had been chasing them down the whole time, and stealing them from the little kids. My mom took it upon herself to chase one of the kids down and tackle them in the street because they took the one we tried to get for Declan. So this is Declan scared that something bad was happening to his grandma.

My handsome dad

Brooke and Declan...happy they got toys and candy

The fish Geoff caught

All of the fam getting ready to go out on John's boat. He offered to take our whole family out to enjoy the sites and to do a little fishing. Unfortunately, we didn't catch any fish, but we still had an awesome time.

Chase and Brooke

My two beautiful sisters

Me and Kenzee

My handsome hubby and Breanna

Flaming Gorge

The Family & John

Beau being cheezy

The Gorge, it was a beautiful day

Kris....I had to be sneaky to get this picture. He kept hiding the whole time

On our way back off the Lake. Jealous?

The gang at the rodeo

I had to throw this one of Ender in. Isn't he the cutest thing?

BEAU'S FAREWELL

My cousin Beau had his farewell last weekend, and we headed back up to Manila to attend it. It was good to see family that we hadn't seen in a while. We're very happy and proud of Beau making the decision to go on a mission. He will be going to the Belgium-Brussels mission, and is leaving this month. Way to go Beau!!!! (He's the one on the middle in the yellow tie).

My family

I asked Declan "Where's your gum?", and he pointed to his nose. Yep...a few weeks ago, he stuck gum up his nose and got it stuck. Luckily, he sneezed and it came out. Little Goober!

After the farewell, my parents followed Geoff and I home, because they were going to St. George for a Sheriff's convention in St. George. While they were down there, Geoff and I went and watched "Footlose" at the Tuacahn with them. It was pretty good.

So...that's it. You're all caught up. I am sure that I missed things that happened in between....like our trip to Zion with my siblings. That will have to be another post, because I don't have pictures for that yet.

Been waiting my whole life......

If you haven't seen this clip off of YouTube, you HAVE to watch this. If you have...well just watch it any way, because its so much fun. Geoff and I decided that if we hadn't have gotten married in the temple, that we TOTALLY would have done something like this.....cause we're cool like that! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

New stuffs

Here's a preview of what you can find on my CRAFT BLOG that I have recently started making. Check it out.

Also, look below....three other new posts.

July Jamboree

My parents and sister came down last week for the July Jamboree here in Cedar City. It's an annual Car Show and Street Festival. This year didn't disappoint. This was the largest showing of cars to date. Our friends Andy & Nicole had a few vehicles and a chopper that Andy built in the show. There were awesome vehicles, good food, and it was a great weekend and great to have spent time with my family. Here are some pictures of the day.


Andy & Nicole


Andy's car above and the chopper he built below.



My handsome hubby checking out the hot rods.






Geoff soaking up the sun.


Cute Kylee


My parents

Sprinkler Fun

My friend got a little pool for her boy. She set it up and as always, Ender decides that any toy of Kelton's is his. So Ender figured out that there was a squeeky toy on one side of the pool & was completely obsessed with it. Katie turned on a little sprinkler for Kelton to play in and it started spraying on the pool. Kelton started crying and wanted to get out of the sprinklers way, but do you think that Ender would move as soon as the water hit him? See for yourself....


Dry.....squeaking away


Still dry.....


Here comes the water




Taking a break


Kelton laughing at Ender getting wet


Valentine staying clear of the water

Ender refused to come in for over an hour. He's such a little weirdo.

Family Reunion & Camping

A few weeks ago, we went up to the Gorge to go to my family reunion. Geoff had been itching to go camping for a while, so we decided to take the opportunity to camp while up there....because lets face it....Flaming Gorge is a beautiful place to be able to do something like that. So we packed up the truck, met Chase and Brooke in Provo, and headed to Manila.

The family reunion was pretty fun. There was family members that I hadn't seen in over 20 years. It was great to see them and catch up.


Brooke and Chase enjoying the food


My beautiful sisters


Mr. Goober making faces. He was cracking everyone up all weekend. I just love that kid! I could eat him up!




After the reunion was over, we headed to the campground. The next series of pictures are from that night.


Delcan helping grandpa with the board game


Geoff and my dad playing Settlers


Setting up camp

It started to get late & we were all tired and started taking goofy pictures. Bare with me while I attempt to explain what it is we were doing. You know when you pucker your lips and blow air through them to make them vibrate? Well I was taught by a friend -Hillary ;)- that you do that and take a picture of someone in the process. You end up getting some pretty funny pictures. So here ya go....




Declan trying to copy us. :)


Mr. Goober stuffing his face with marshmellows.

So, that was the trip. It was great to spend time with family and enjoy the great outdoors.

April and May in a nut-shell

I know it's been almost 2 months now since I have made a post, and it's not like I haven't been busy or anything. It's the exact opposite. So, just like the post says, here is April and May in a nut-shell.


I went to one of best friends, Brenna, baby shower. I know she'll probably hate this picture, but I think it's cute.



Shortly after her shower, she headed to the hospital, because before the shower began, her water had broke. Halle Kate Thomas, came into the world the next morning. She's a beautiful little girl. We get to go and see her next weekend for her baby blessing, and I can't wait.


Kenzee and I were able to go to our brother's then fiance, Brooke, bridal shower. And a few weeks later, Brooke received her endowments in the St. George temple, where we were all able to be in attendance. It was a great day.




A week later, Chase and Brooke were married in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. Brooke looked absolutely gorgeous, and we couldn't be happier for the two of them. Here are pictures of that day.












Chase and Brooke's reception was at a place called La Calle. For those of you who haven't been there, you need to try and go at least once in your life. It was absolutely amazing. Here are some pictures from there.











I turned 30....yes 30. It was actually a pretty traumatizing day. Not only because I turned 30, but because I ended up in the ER, and then being admitted to the hospital for the next 3 days because of a kidney stone. It was too big (almost a cm) for me to pass, so they had to go in and to a surgical procedure called liptotripsy (unsure if that's how you spell it). They went in and used ultra sonic waives to break up the stone. The next few days, I stayed home, and passed what was left of it. I have had kidney stones before, but this was by far the worse experience yet. I still am having some side effects from it.



A week later, Geoff and I had our 9 year anniversary. We went and watched Star Trek, got Taste of Hawaii for dinner, and came home and watched the season finale of Lost. It was a great night. And the past 9 years have been wonderful. I love you baby!

Last weekend, we traveled up to Manila to attend my grandpa Ellsworth's funeral.



The picture above is of Geoff and I on our wedding day, and my grandpa George standing the background. He had been slowly deteriorating of the past few months, so his passing wasn't unexpected. But, still it wasn't easy. I loved my grandpa dearly, and am thankful for the time that I was able to spend with him. I will miss him, but I know that I will see him again. I love you grandpa. Here is a picture of my family at the graveside.



A few days ago, we put in an offer for our first house. The whole process has been quite nerve racking, but we're hoping that we will be able to get this place. We'll keep you posted on that.

And last but not least, I have been hesitant to post about this. Not because I am not proud of myself and the work that I have done, but just because I really don't want people to feel like I am bragging. In fact, its the opposite. I hate having the focus on me....good or bad. I have been struggling with my weight for over 8 years now, the main reason why I am having the fertility issues that I do. So to try and help remedy that issue as well as help my overall health, I went to a doctor and he put me on a weight loss program. To date, I have lost 50lbs. I still have a ways to go, but I am feeling better about myself, and about my future. Now here's the proof. My brother sent me pictures from a year ago this month, from Geoff's law school graduation. When I saw them, I wanted to die because I felt so ashamed. I knew I was big, but didn't realize how out of control it had really gotten. With great hesitancy, here are my before and "after" pictures (keeping in mind, I am not done yet).



It really is hard for me to talk about, but I thought that maybe there might be some reading this, or someone you know, who thinks that they can't do it....they can't change their life. But I can tell you all that it is possible. With time, patience, and a lot of support, it is possible. Just never give up. If I can do it, anyone can. Hopefully all of this will eventually lead to us being able to have a baby of our own.....fingers crossed.

Whew......See I told you there was a lot going on. Maybe next time I won't wait 2 months to do a post.